Game of Thrones: Episode 101


Alright. I’m going to give this show a legit shot. Got the blu-ray of season 1 from the library, so no harm, no commitment. If this first episode isn’t the bomb, it’s curtains. Already, this young guy bossing everyone around has got to be a royal of some sort. No one that prissy would ever be in a position of authority unless he wasn’t born into it. He’s dead. No matter. Told you he wasn’t equipped to lead.

What the fuck is this thing now? Decapitations are cool though. Just realized that Sean Bean only takes parts now where he can have a beard and carry a sword. Then again, I only remember him from Equilibrium with Christian Bale. The writer of The 25th Hour, directed by one of The Sopranos‘ guys. Could have promise.

Welcome to Winterfell…a nice place to live. Did they have those little archery grips in this time? Also, I guess reality makes no difference in a world where wolfish things are going around chopping off people’s heads. These guys laugh at the kid fail. I like them already. “He won’t be a boy forever, and winter is coming.” Why does that sound so creepy? Why do they conduct their meetings in the most remote place possible? And I kinda missed what this dude’s offense was. He whimpers something, Sean Bean looks at him, and beheads him.

I’m already confused. Ravens deliver news here. What the fuck? Oh, Ned. You’re such a pushover.

I think they’re calling Tommy gay. That kid is totally not really doing these stunts. Brandon is like Sam from Diff’rent Strokes. Totally unfuckingnecessary. He has such an obvious tell. Learn to lie, kid. You’re royalty. It’s part of the territory. That little redhead is such a slut. She can’t be older than 13 and she’s giving dudes the eye.

And now Dom DeLuise is back from the dead and punking out Sean Bean. He has the nerve to tell someone else that they’re fat. This pig left his kingdom, sitting on his ass, eating pizza while Bean fought the good fight. What a piece of shit. “I need you. Be the hand of the king.” Give the king a handy. Holy shit. The king just pre-impreganted Bean’s kid.

What the fuck i this thing that just walked in? The white hair works on her but this guy is something out of a nightmare. Wait. Are they related? He’s touching his naked sister and then┬ásaid, “You don’t want to wake the dragon.” That guy is sick. He’s like a gay, demented Quicksilver. Now, she has to get a closer look at some foreign manboobs. Now, The Great Khali is staring her down. This is way dumb. Perv and girl’s dad was on that show with Peter Capaldi (Twelfth Doctor), The Thick of It. Pretty funny. Jesus, now the guy is wanting a whole village to pull a train on his sister. When is she going to get pissed?

Peter Dinklage said bastard six times. Best dialogue ever. Too bad he meant it in its literal sense, rather than slang. So one family had someone killed. How am I supposed to keep any of this straight? There are a hundred families. So, in this culture, they don’t just watch porn. They have sex as public demonstration for all to enjoy. Then, a fight to the death. I’m cumming! Not really. This is messed up.

Just what every attractive blonde wants…books. Not to say she or blondes, in general, are dumb but if the shoe fits. Also, a tropical fruit of some kind. She’s hypnotized the masses just so she can touch a horse. The horse kept by non-Arnold Conan. “Make him happy.” Man, let me check the tea leaves to decipher this quandary. Except nothing has ever been so transparent. Come on, what more romantic time to be deflowered against your will than at sunset? Don;’t bother trying to cover your boobs, we’ve already seen everything.


That’s what you get for being a pervert. Now, this guy’s going to toss you a few stories to the ground. Sweet. Knew it.

Verdict: I was totally lost but I grant that my attention has been divided. The ending was cruel enough to warrant watching the second episode. So I will. But I’m going to stop writing so I can pay attention and get back on track. Later.